dear self harm

Dear Self Harm,

I want you to know that it is over between us. I know I have said this before, but it has taken me every ounce of courage to say it now. You left when I was fifteen and I thought we were through, but then you came crawling back around my sixteenth birthday to show me we were not.

You made my family and friends concerned, and forced me to distance myself from them in order to keep you satisfied. They kept telling me how bad you were for me, but you kept tempting me to come back for more. And I did.

You visited me often, even at unspeakable hours, ready to scream and yell about how much I deserved you and how you were the only one to truly care about me. And that, no matter how much I hated you, I couldn't let you go because I was addicted to the pain you gave me.

You often lied to me, telling me that by listening to you I had control of emotions that I felt I couldn't handle. You kept telling me that the relief you gave me was worth more than the pain before and afterwards. But all you did by lying to me was you led me into a whirlpool of unmanageable guilt, frustration, and self-loathing.

Just in case you're wondering why I'm writing this letter, let me remind you of our fight. Remember how I hadn't seen you for a couple of weeks? And then a few days ago, you visited me while I was in bed? You wouldn't stop yelling at me, no matter how much I yelled back. You only stopped when I did as you told me. Except then you left me all alone. Left me with the tears, the guilt, and the pain of what you had just made me do. You left me all alone, not giving me the usual contentment and short-lived pleasure I felt when I listened to you.

It's going to be hard not being with you anymore, we've been together for five years now. The attachment we had with each other was huge, but it's time to move on. I don't want to be your slave anymore. I don't want to have to look at you when I change my clothes, when I have a shower, in the summer when I go swimming, or when I'm playing sport. Because you disgust me and it disgusts myself that I've put up with you for so long.

I know you won't miss me because you've got plenty of other friends to be with. I just wish you weren't so popular. I hope one day, they too, have the strength to get rid of you and you'll be all alone, just like you've made me feel for the past five years.

You're very enticing, but don't even think about coming back again because this is it. This is the end.

Goodbye.

love is a movement

today, we did To Write Love on Her Arms in my campus which isa non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. may not make any sense to do injure ourselves like that, but there're people out there do it anyway. so please be aware and care. Love is a movement. btw, i like mine. thanks kalie.

the art of corporate mind control

Jordan Maxwell: The bottom line is that the government is getting what they ordered. They do not want your children to be educated. They do not want you to think too much. That is why our country and our world has become so proliferated with entertainments, mass media, television shows, amusement parks, drugs, alcohol, and every kind of entertainment to keep the human mind entertained so that you don't get in the way of important people by doing too much thinking. You better wake up and understand that there are people who are guiding your life and you don't even know it.



Howard Beale: We know things are bad, worse than bad. They're crazy. Its like everything everywhere is going crazy so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house and slowly the world were living in is getting smaller and all we say is please at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel belted radios and I wont say anything, just leave us alone. Well I'm not going to leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it and stick your head out and yell, I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore! You've got to say, Im a human being God damn it, my life has value


George Carlin: But there's a reason, there's a reason. There's a reason for this. There's a reason education sucks and its the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. Its never gonna get any better, don't look for it. Be happy with what you got, because the owners of this country don't want that. They don't want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They don't want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. They're not interested in that.

what faith can do

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think its more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know

Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

Overcome the odds
You do have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can!

Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

i've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

seattle rocks.

I hate it when people who don't live here say that seattle weather sucks. Those people sucks.

it is not about you

last sunday,, my care group started our fellowship of the purpose driven life,,
felt so blessed about it. make me think about what we discuss.
realizing that life is not always about myself. kind of true i guess.
i dont know. still not sure. but i think i will.

WE ARE NOT AFRAID (I hope this gives you hell)

All american rejects held a concert in indonesia right on ours 64th Independence Day (07.17.09)
and from what i saw on youtube (tentunya) it was freaking awesome.
Tyson gave speech at the end of the concert. and hope that gives those terorist hell.

People of Jakarta, we have something in common. I gotta talk to you about it. We are not afraid. I stand in front of you tonight a person who has refused to fear. Fear is the fuel for the weak. And are we weak? We are the strong few who wield our instruments and songs as ammunition to fight the good fight against the oppressors, the bastards that use bombs and terrorism to kill the innocent.

Tonight is special because we celebrate merdeka! Tonight we celebrate your independence and the earth-shaking power that is freedom! Do you feel alive? Do you feel free? Our freedoms are the only wings we have to fly above the fear, so tonight we soar together and sing our freedom into the sky. We are not afraid!

People advised us after the bombings to reconsider coming to Jakarta. People told us that we should be afraid. But this suggestion only added the backbone to our band to do something bigger than life. We are not afraid!

We played for you tonight not just as a band. Not just as a band, but as the collective voice of Jakarta that screams into the night: FUCK THE TERRORISTS! I hope this gives you hell!

selamat ulang tahun negara ku!

17.07.09
my first time celebrated indonesia independent day in state.
nothing different actually. just feel more proud to be indonesian and nationalist
miss indo so badly.
MERDEKA!

The Real Chelsea. (not on ESPN)

THE REAL FRANK LAMPARD, JOHN TERRY, MICHEAL BALLACK WERE INFRONT OF MY EYES.
IT WAS AWSOME.
seumur idup gue, baru pertama liat john terry cuma jarak setengah meter. wow!!


Micheal ballack!


Frank Lampard!! WOW!!


JT!!!


last but not least,, SOUNDERS TILL I DIE!!!